The "What If?" in Blogging

Back in August 2016, my mind was saturated with thoughts stemming from a year resembling scenes from the Twilight Zone. I could have purchased a journal from Staples and encased my thoughts between the lines of college rule. Then again, a journal still felt confining. My thoughts would still be encased like the contents within a trunk or rather my brain. I wanted my thoughts to be fully dispensed from my mind. Free. So I started the Smith Zone, my space for thinking. My thoughts would be freed from my mind, free to roam, and dance, and sprint, and contort, and construct in an open roomy space. I started writing, blog after blog. The tension in my shoulders for the first time in years began to release ever so slight. No longer would I have to carry the weight of my thoughts. I had my space and I was happy and free...that is until...

That ominous soul sucking question that cowards even the strongest of men.

That haunting question that lingers in the back of your mind imprisoning memories and consuming ideas a darkened abyss.

That question of evils!

What if?

Oh the horror! That self-muting sinister question that tortures minds and distorts visions!

After two or three months of blogging, my thoughts were scrambled by this "What if?" What if employers read my blog? What if after I attain my doctorate, someone reads my blog and discounts my work because they didn't care for my delivery or composition? What if my family reads it and doesn't like what or how I said what I said? What if a former employer reads it and somehow misconstrues what I write interpreting it as a breach in confidentiality? What if my style of writing appears as if I have declared an absolute position on an issue and people interpret it as my political stance? What if ten years from now my business has grown internationally and the consumer finds my blog, reads it, reacts unfavorably, and launches a strike based on outdated thoughts? (Not that my thoughts are that controversial...but in the future, anything is possible).

I stopped writing. My mind swelled with thoughts to the point I felt like I would burst. By December 2016, I began to watch internet sensations more like Jenna Marbles and Elliot Hulse for inspiration who are just like I don't give a fuck. I have something to say. I am going to say what I have to say however way I feel. I am knowledgeable and well-studied. My thoughts, wisdom, and ideas are invaluable. I am worth hearing and if you bother to listen, you can learn from not only the content of my words but the delivery whether for entertainment or the betterment of mankind. Slowly I began to come out of my shell. I would write little blogs using the notepad on my phone. However, because I was not on the Smith Zone, I still felt claustrophobic and timid, often leaving even mini-blogs notes incomplete.

Recently, however, one of my athletes mentioned (among other things) starting her own blog. I don't know why but the wheels in my head began to turn. Blog? I have a blog! I have learned so much from my studies this past year, I think its time I start writing again.

So here I am, writing in the Smith Zone. "What if?" I realize, identifies risk but catastrophizes the future and stifles potential. I no longer wish to allow myself to be stifled.

Time to write!